An Open Letter to Our Care Givers

                                                                  Buenos Aires, October 13, 2022

Our illness has stolen your lives. We suffer at your expense. You suffer in silence.

We have snatched much of your freedom and dreams in our ever-demanding dysfunctionality. You never consented to sacrifice your life at the altar of our existence. You did not volunteer for this never-ending assignment; us. From the bottom of our hearts, we are sorry, so sorry.

Some of us are too sick to tell you how much we love you. But know that if we could, we would use the entire dictionary to write a poem to you. We would read it to you in your sleepless nights. We would sing that poem in your overwhelming exhaustion. We would intone it in your times of desperation and righteous anger. Like a sacred scroll, we would consecrate it to your life and guard it in a holy place.

Though you will resist my advice, please forget about us as much as possible. Try to be yourself despite us. Honor your life as much as you honor ours. Protect us by pushing us to grow. Don’t imagine your journey as a reflection of ours. Make moments for yourself. Love yourself as much as you love us.

Never feel guilt. Know that the entire cosmos owes you an apology.

Don’t look for a reason for this mess. Your life does not have sense or meaning because we need you. We both got a bad deal. Yours, worse than ours. Let’s just make lemonade together. Let compassion, gratitude, and commitment flourish between us because life has brought us to this moment. Just for that. For each other. Love within love with no explanations. Love for no other reason than the precariousness of our existence.

When we can, let us take care of you. It is not a disinterested request. That caring for you makes us feel so good. If we could, for a moment, give you a spark of the light and warmth you give us. Known that when we can love you, you will not lose your reason to be. We have learned that love from you, and in the love we give you, you manifest yourself fully in us.

We know the question you most fear is, “who will take care of him or her when I’m gone?” That uncertainty must torture you. Please, trust us. One way or another, we will make it. We promise that we will try to continue our lives despite your physical absence. We will miss you every second but hope that our need to live will become our teacher. Understand that our time together is everlasting. Your love and lessons remain within us. There is a place for us in the world, and we will find it. For now, that’s all we need to know on this issue.

Please seek help. Don’t be our hero. Besides being our driver and chef, push us to create a sustainable network. Look for others who care for you. Don’t mimic our illness. We do not measure your commitment by your suffering. Your good life is our healing.

Sorry for all the horrendous things we have said to you. You are so close to us that you are the primary target in our line of fire. We feel secure in you. You always take the worst of us and never relinquish your love. It is so unfair and so true. Sorry for dumping our wounds on you.

We hope we make a life worth living to honor your love. We know that that would be the ultimate gift to you. That’s all you always wanted.

I pray that God exists. No, God must exist. A Divinity must be, just for the sake of rewarding you. That’s a sufficient reason. That’s my ultimate proof of God’s existence; you. You and the Divine are made in each other’s image.

Thank you. Just thank you. A real one. Not the conventional. A thank you that emerges from each fiber of my being. Thank you for your very existence. Thank you for caring for me. 

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